My new novel, Call Me Daddy, will be released October, 2016, and I wanted a fun way to reveal the cover, so I asked people to give me the best advice their Daddy ever gave them. Here's a list of Dad's best advice and I have to say, there are some pretty awesome dads out there! One of these bits of wisdom will win an e-book version of my new novel. Which do you like the best? Can you add any to the list?
- Never say anything about someone that you couldn't say in front of them. (In other words, don't gossip)
- Be the best you can be.
- Shoot em in the yard, drag the body inside. Lol....
- No license til I could drive a stick. The reasoning: "I don't ever want you in a situation where you're either stuck somewhere unsafe, or forced to ride with someone who has been drinking, because the car you're in is a stick and you can't drive it."
- The graveyard's full of people that had the right-of-way.
- Deny everything.
- If you have to fart while in the company of others do so into the thickest couch cushion available.
- Chew your food 28 times, each mouthful. Then he would say, "chew, and chew, and chew" I can still hear him.
- He also advised in working in a profession that is always needed, so you'll always have a work, like plumber, or funeral director. "You may never need a lawyer or a doctor but you will eventually have a clogged crapper." End quote.
- A leopard can't change his spots. In other words, if a guy's a douche bag then he's not going to change.
- I can't protect you all the time so pay attention. Strike hard, strike fast and always, ALWAYS, hit him in the balls! He also taught me to change a tire and the oil so I would never have to wait for help!
- Always smile at homely girls
- Don't marry a man less educated than you. You will never be impressed enough.
- Never get a pet that's too big
for you to bury.
- Given enough seasoning, everything can taste like chicken.
- Dazzle them with brilliance and baffle them with bullshit.
- My dad had taught me to drive and he said, " HUG THE ROTARY you'll beat out all the others when you jump on the highway." It usually works. :)
- Never trust a fart.
- My dad's best advice: Give 'em what they got comin. No more. No less.
- Don't ever assume ... it's makes an ass out of u and me.
- Never leave the house without money in your pocket.
- I was born a long time before you and I know lots of guys who do that in this neighborhood. If he can do it to his wife, he will do it to you too. A snake is always a snake.
- Never write down on paper what you don't want anyone else to see.
- Always be content, never satisfied.
- He put the cuffs on me and put me in a cell around age six and said "you like the way that feels?" (I've been good ever since)
- Read your bible every day.
- It will feel better...
When it quits hurting...
- Always know your way out of a place...
- Don't be a slacked jawed idiot.
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