The Fifth Semester: A Writing/Residency Program

Do you want help with your writing but can't seem to find a mentor or a program that fits your lifestyle or your skill level? The Fifth Semester is worth looking into. In fact, I don't 'highly recommend' much, but if I were to design what I considered the perfect writing program, this would be it. Well, maybe I'd add men in kilts, but other than that, The Fifth Semester is the perfect writing program for anyone who wants to write a book or improve their craft. 

Even though the website has a wealth of information, I always like to know more. The Directors of The Fifth Semester were kind enough to answer all of my questions, and I'm passing this information on to you. Check out the website, read the questions and answers below, and if you want more information, email them today.

I'm going to put my disclaimer right here: I have no financial interest in this program whatsoever. My interest is in good writing. Many writers want help; they need help. I have worked with three of the five faculty members listed for The Fifth Semester and can honestly say without them, I would not be where I am now--and I'm in a good place.
  
 Sure, Craig Childs made me eat a rock, but it did make that chapter sing!

IS THIS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE AN MFA?

No not at all. It’s really for anyone who has a book idea, a few chapters or manuscript that they have always wanted to work on but don’t know where to go next.  It’s for dreamers and do-ers and writers who are serious about giving the writing dream a real go. People who appreciated a well-organized program that doesn’t waste their time or money.

DO I NEED TO HAVE A MANUSCRIPT IN HAND WHEN I DO THIS, OR CAN I WRITE ONE IN THE FOUR MONTHS?

The program adapts to wherever a writer is on the path to publishing. If you come to us with an idea, we’ll talk about how to make that idea a book and then put you in front of publishing professionals to get their take on it. If you come with a full manuscript, we will help you put the finishing polish on it, set it up for the query and pitch, and then give you time with editors and agents to hear their honest thoughts. Fifth Semester instructors have already successfully navigated this landscape and are doing it themselves, every day, as they continue to publish.

Ann Wertz Garvin

WILL YOU CODDLE ME ALL THE WAY?

Ann was given a great compliment about her teaching recently by a former student who said, “You don’t pamper but you’re not a bitch either. You support and encourage and then step in when needed.” This is exactly how we teach at The Fifth Semester.

We’re writers, so we know how personal writing can be. But we’re writers, so we also know what it takes to win over agents, editors, and readers. We’ll walk this very fine line with your project, and in doing so, give you the best value for your money and best shot at publication.

THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY. CAN YOU GUARANTEE SOMEONE WILL PUBLISH MY BOOK?

What is it that Clint Eastwood once said — If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster? All kidding aside, some students will find agents and editors interested in their work (check out the Feathers in Our Cap for a few examples). But publishing is a wild and fickle business, and we can’t guarantee representation.  What we can guarantee is this: we will work our absolute hardest to help make your manuscript as attractive as possible to agents and editors, and when it’s all over, you’ll have information, understanding, and the inside track on publishing. You will meet publishing professionals and have real conversations with them that are not limited to pitching your work in a 5-minute “speed dating” set-up. That’s a combination you can’t get from a book editor or conference alone.

WHAT KIND OF ‘WORKSHOPS’ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

We will have writing workshops that focus on the craft of prose, plot, and point of view presented in such a way that even authors who come in strong on these aspects will become stronger writers. We love talking about description, conflict, emotion, and even, at times, humor. At the second residency we will discuss platform, promotion, social media, and the business of writing. And, some of the best fun comes when we help authors craft their query, build their agent list and practice pitching.

HOW MANY STUDENTS ARE AT EACH RESIDENCY?

Student numbers will vary. Depending on lodging and instructor availability we may have as few as eight or  as many as twenty.

IS THERE A PAYMENT PLAN AVAILABLE? SCHOLARSHIPS? FINANCIAL AID?

Students can put a (non-refundable) $500 down to hold a spot, with the balance due on the first of the month BEFORE their chosen semester begins (for example: if a particular semester begins on August 4th, payment in full is due by July  1st). We are working to find a source of scholarships. That is our next plan!

IS FOOD INCLUDED IN THE RESIDENCY FEE?

It’s probably easier to talk about what isn’t included in the $3,980. Residency fees include all lodging for both the Chicago and NYC long weekends, as well as a light breakfast, catered lunch, and a hor d’overes and wine reception each night at both residencies. We want people to have free time at night to eat together or apart from the group, and if they’d like, to try out the local dining scene. There are restaurants near both residency locations for easy take-out or eating in, and public transportation abounds.

WHAT GENRE/GENRES DO YOU WORK WITH? OR PREFER?

Our instructors have taught and published across genres. If you have a project in a genre or sub-genre that we aren’t as familiar with, we’ll get an instructor on board who is.

I WANT TO SELF PUBLISH. IS THIS STILL FOR ME?

Yes! Self-publishing requires all of the same things as traditional publishing: a great story, flawlessly-told, and the ability to both understand book publicity and execute a marketing plan.

COFFEE OR TEA?

What, no wine? What do you have against wine? Seriously, though, we’ll provide all of the glass-worthy things a writer might need to write. And snacks, to boot.

CAN I BRING MY WIFE? KID? DOG?

No. We’re sure they’re lovely, but no. This is your time for you to focus on writing. Your time. Out there is their time. (Goonies reference, anyone?)

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Authors and Self Promotion

When I was seven, my older brother and I found an advertisement in a Grit magazine to sell Christmas cards and earn prizes. We had our eyes on two bikes, but not just any bikes. Mine was pink, with a pink banana seat, large spoked wheels with lights and clickers, long handlebars with plastic fringe, a basket with pink flowers and a sissy bar twice the height of the bike itself. Basically, the Cadillac of little girls bikes, dripping in pink. Oh, I wanted it, and I wanted it bad.

Imagine-ALL PINK

We hawked Christmas cards. Our teachers, our neighbors, our relatives, our parents even took us to work with them to sell to their co-workers (back in the day when parents didn't sell FOR the kids). We went door to door. We set up at grocery stores, on the street in front of our house, at a church picnic. We not only sold our cards, we figured out how to sell ourselves. He could sing, and I thought I could dance, so if someone wasn't interested in our cards, we'd offer them a 'performance' if they would consider our offer. And we sold cards.

We may not have outsold Hallmark that year, but we sold enough to buy two deluxe kids bicycles and a few smaller things for our baby brother, who I'm sure we used at one time or another to sell cards. It didn't end there--anytime we could find something to sell, we were on it. Lemonade stands, flower seeds, cookies, I'm sure at one time or another I tried to sell my brother. And we had no shame. None. Zero. What we did have was savings accounts---and bicycles to get us to places to spend our money.

I hear authors use the phrase "shameless self promotion" a lot, and personally, I hate the term, and believe it or not, I don't particular like asking people to buy my book. Of course, I want them to, but I often feel like friends, co-workers, even the unknown faces of the internet must be rolling their eyes every time I say, "Buy my book!" And rarely do I put it out there so bluntly; I give my little performances, I make jokes, I share reviews, I write blog posts, I offer sales. But it always feels "funny" to me. My publisher does a lot of the work, but as many authors will tell you, if you aren't contributing to the effort, you're killing yourself. So we do, and we try to find different ways to say "Buy my book!" without just saying it. It's self promotion. And it's shameless. And as writers, crafters of words, it bothers us to do it, so we feel like we need to admit to our friends, readers, faceless potential customers that we know how shameless it is.

  

It's time we stop thinking like this.

If I opened a restaurant, I'd have no problem advertising it. If I were looking for a job, I'd make my resume shine, send it to however many places I needed to, and show up to interviews in my spiffy business suit ready to tell you how wonderful I am. If I wanted to de-junk my house, I'd put stuff in the driveway and tell you what a great deal you are getting on a broken Atari for $50. And yes, I would ask my friends to help me spread the word. Self promotion is shameless, and it should be. We do it in every aspect of our lives.

So why not get over it, and sell some books?

  

I've written a book. It's a good product, something you can hold in your hand and enjoy, or give as a gift. It's less expensive than a box of Christmas cards. I'd like for people to buy it and try it. If you like it, tell your friends. If not, tell me. Do you want me to tell you a joke? Fine. Do my little dance? Maybe. Throw in my brother? That could possibly be arranged.

And if I sell enough books? Maybe I'll buy another pink bike.

12 Blogs of Christmas: Favorite Books

As a writer, I think there is no better gift at Christmas than a story.  For the 12 Blogs of Christmas, I took book suggestions from several others and had quite a response! From traditional, to humorous, to contemporary and a few that some wouldn't think of as a Christmas story, the list is quite diverse and entertaining.  Click on the book covers for more information, and be sure and visit all of the author blogs below in the 12 Blogs of Christmas!

My blog, I go first! One of my fav books ever is The Ice Harvest by Scott Phillips. It's Christmas Eve in Wichita and most people are home celebrating with their families-but not Charlie Arglist. He's trying to tidy things up, so to speak, before he leaves town with the million dollars he has just stolen. Although I love Christmas cheer and happy thoughts, I like this book because it's a reminder that 'other things' are going on while the rest of us are celebrating---and not always the kinds of things we want to think about. And I have a mad writer crush on Scott Phillips.

 

Karen DeLabar is all about romance.  "I love reading it, writing it and experiencing it. My "go-to" book during the holiday season is The Gift which is a collection of three Nora Roberts books, Home for Christmas, All I Want for Christmas, and Gabriel's Angel. The three stories are short and can be considered romance fluff, but this time of year a little fluff is okay. Plus, they encompass everything I love about the holiday: magic, hope and love." Visit Karen's blog to discover some great Christmas movies with the 12 Blogs of Christmas!

 

No, Natalie Kenney the Toys'R'Us Big Book doesn't count. But your second choice certainly does! "I love Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum Mystery Series and she wrote a Christmas-themed Plum story: Visions of Sugar Plums. It's so difficult to choose a favorite book of any kind, but this one has tons of laughs, a hot guy, and a little Christmas spirit. What more can a gal ask for?"  Natalie is sharing some unusual, traditional and fun Christmas cookies on her blog during the 12 Blogs of Christmas. 

 "I have always had a love/hate relationship with life Christmas" says author D.C. McMillen. "It is for that reason that I recommend You Better Not Cry by Augusten Burroughs. If you have ever confused Santa with Jesus (and who hasn’t?), tried to create an edible masterpiece in the kitchen without bothering to follow a recipe or waking your parents’ (and who hasn’t), or if you have ever felt undeserving of a perfection you cannot help but relentlessly strive for (and who hasn’t?) then this is the book for you. Filled with acerbic observations, witty commentary, and a consistent stream of self-depreciating humour, this is the perfect book to read while sitting in front of your freshly decorated tree and sipping a glass of red. Until you laugh too hard and accidentally snort wine out your nose. In honor of the 12 Blogs of Christmas, D.C. is toasting us with favorite Christmas drinks on her blog today! 

 

Erica Lucke Dean is all about a traditional Christmas. "I want to create a completely vintage feel in the house during the Christmas season.  It makes me feel like I'm back in my grandmother's farmhouse.  I like Dickens' A Christmas Carol for that very reason. Bring on those Ghosts of Christmas past. I'll be wearing my very best flannel nightie."  To share some special Christmas memories, visit Erica today, one of the 12 Blogs of Christmas.

  My favorite Aussie, Ciara Ballintyne chose The Hogfather by Terry Pratchett as her favorite. "The Hogfather is the Disc's equivalent of our Santa, but his sleigh is pulled by four hogs. An assassin has been commissioned to kill the Hogfather, which he plans to achieve by causing children to stop believing in him. To encourage children to believe in the Hogfather, Death takes his place to deliver all the presents. If the Hogfather dies, the sun will not rise."  Ciara is spotlighting some unusual Christmas decorations for the 12 Blogs of Christmas, so check those out!

 No, Wendy told him with a little smile. Only until Christmas. Then we have the capon.

Why is Justin Bogdanovitch's recommendation Stephen King's The Shining? "Well, long ago, while reading it for the first time, I had to look up what a Christmas capon was (how it was invented by the Romans also lands in Stephen King country). But back to The Shining...It takes place in the lead up to winter, the promise of the holidays brings a semblance of family unity even to the Torrance family. The ghosts come out before Thanksgiving. Danny eventually meets the dead thing in room 217 and it wraps her hands around him in a terrifying embrace. After Thanksgiving, when Wendy contemplates how to cook that special Christmas capon, the bruises on Danny's neck have faded. The Torrances, like any family, look forward to Christmas. Unfortunately, at this moment in the novel, they are in the calm eye of a monstrous hurricane force. I try to read The Shining or watch the Kubrick film sometime during the holiday, just to get in the mood; it's a perennial favorite!" For the 12 Blogs of Christmas, Justin is highlighting Christmas Faux Pas on his blog!

Now for something safe for the kiddies...

Raine Thomas says, "I love the Grinch! My favorite Christmas story is How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss. My parents always let us stay up to watch the annual showing of the movie on TV, and they would read us the story before bed on Christmas Eve.  I've continued this tradition with my own daughter." Raine is entertaining us with Christmas music today, one of the 12 Blogs of Christmas!

Maureen Hovermale dug herself out from a pile of books and assorted bookmarks to address the subject of Christmas books properly: Charles Dickens is the MAN. Forget about Ebenezer, turn your eye on the Messrs. Snodgrass, Winkle, and Tupman and drink a glass of hot brandy-and-water while you’re at it. The best quote ever concerning Christmas is by Charles himself: Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!  ~Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

For the 12 blogs of Christmas, Maureen is treating us to Christmas lingerie and other sexy holiday apparel (like fuzzy socks) today!

 As a kid, Amberr Meadows was a timid little bookworm, but she always dreamed of what it would be like to be one of the bad kids. "In real life, it never would have happened, because my mom would have killed me, but my rebellious daydreams were safe. I discovered The Best Christmas Pageant Ever in movie form first, and immediately after I saw it, I had to read the book, by Barbara Robinson. (Even then, I was of the opinion that a book is almost always better than the movie based upon it). The Best Christmas Pageant Ever is about a family of cheating, stealing, swearing, smoking kids who hijack the annual Christmas Pageant at the church and make it best one ever (hence the name). I thought the book was awesome, because it proved that even the most unruly kids could be kind, too." Amberr has some favorite and delicious holiday foods on her blog today for the 12 Blogs of Christmas!

Ever wonder how Santa gets down the really tiny chimneys?  Some houses have no fireplace and hence no chimney.  How is it that Santa manages to leave presents at those houses?  Melody Ann Jones-Kaufmann was one of those kids.  She had these questions and more.  "My Dad was smart enough to buy me a book about Silver Spurs, one of Santa’s elves.  This tale, written by Robert R. Knigge, answers those nagging questions that trouble logical children like myself.  I found that I as a parent had to answer those same questions and thus I passed my beloved book on to my children.  I suspect one day I’ll be reading it to my grandchildren because logic like the force is strong in this family."  Melody is taking a look at favorite Christmas toys, old and new, for the 12 Blogs of Christmas!

One Marie Patchen's fondest Christmas memories of books was the year that her grandfather bought her the entire boxed set of Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie series. "I read those books until they fell apart, and each book contained a special Christmas story, from the Big Woods of Wisconsin to the open plains of Kansas. That original boxed set is long gone, but a few years ago, my sister surprised me on Christmas morning with a new set.  She had searched the internet far and wide until she found the exact same set that I'd first received from my grandfather so many years ago.  Christmas was always an interesting affair in the Ingalls' household, and thanks to my sister, I got to re-live the experience." For the 12 Blogs of Christmas, Marie takes us down memory lane with Classic Christmas Cartoons...

These are some of our favorite books. What are yours?